Thursday, February 17, 2011

Poop....Everyone does it....but can YOU handle it?

I am not one of the people who has a weak stomach, I have worked in healthcare since I was 17 years old, I have 3 kids, a husband, and animals.  Even at my last job, one of my research studies was studying the effects of opioids on the bowel.  I could seriously tell you about almost everyone in the central IL areas poo!  I have had it wiped on me, thrown at me, on my walls, on my floors, my dogs have eaten it and not just there own they occasionally like a fresh diaper out of the garbage!  So this has no affect on me what so ever.  My husband, however, is another story!  Now I'm not slighting him in any way people I will be the first to tell you that I have, hands down, the most amazing husband that has ever lived!  You could never argue it with me!  But he just cannot handle the poop situation! 
Here is an example:  The other night we get up from the dinner table and our youngest is the only one left at the table.  As my husband and I are in the kitchen we hear a sound that should never come out of a little girl so small.  And here she is standing there, with this tousled hair hanging in her face, looking up at us with a big grin on her face and she says, "I Stinky!"  Then she starts backing up and I now see that the poop is running out of her diaper and dripping on the floor!  I turn around and he's gone!  GONE!  He is now backing out of the kitchen and telling me "You gotta take this one, I-I-I Can't do that!"  So.....at least he attempts to help by sending our son in with a towel!  Now some women might get really ticked off at this but ya know, I'd much rather him back out of the room then have to clean up after him too if ya know what I mean.
One night after our 2nd was born, she wasn't a very good sleeper, and I was so tired!  I think I had maybe slept for an hour and that wasn't even all at one time!  So she was up again, had pooped her pants and I am now crying because I am SO tired.  But my husband is sawing logs on the other side of the bed.  He hears nothing!  Now I know that alot of men just say that but this guy really hears nothing!  Unless of course its in the middle of the night and I have heard nothing but he thinks someone is breaking in!  No one ever is of course!  Anywho~ I was so tired and I was so angry at this point that I actually had the poopy diaper in the palm of my hand, open and hovered it over his head because I WAS going to slap him in the face with it!  Then, of course, sanity set in and I realized that if I went through with this that I was going to be up even longer cleaning up his puke too!  Still to this day he has no idea how close he was that night!  But I love him!
Then there is the day that my middle child came into the kitchen as I was cooking dinner and grabbed a spoon (no unusual as she likes to play kitchen) and took it into the living room where she was playing with her sister.  About 5 minutes later I peek in to check on them and I see her sitting at the coffee table and the dog is next to her eating off of that spoon she grabbed.  I took a little bit of a harder look and asked, "Liv...Where did you find chocolate?"  Then I saw that she was scooping the "chocolate" out of her diaper which was laying on the table!  The dog is just lapping it right up like he just got fed a milk bone!  Now, I really do try to watch my mouth around my kids but the only thing I could say at this point was "THATS SHIT!!!"  I ran in and grabbed it up and asked her what she was doing!?!?!  She just laughed of course and told me he liked it!  I guess I should just be glad that she wasn't feeding it to her sister! 
Again, just the tip of the iceberg!  I just hope if you are reading this that you aren't also faint of stomach!  Kate plus 8.....She's got nothing on this lady who's name is:

Mom, Momma, Mommy~~

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