I Used To:

I used to be able to go into the bathroom all by myself to take a bath, brush my teeth, or use the restroom.
Now:  I go the bathroom with an Enterauge with me every time I go in. 

I used to make sure I didn't have a hair out of place and my clothes were just right before I went anywhere.
Now:  You are lucky if you see me with make up on and my hair washed.  Because someone is going to use me as a napkin at some point during the day.

I used to go out with my girl friends and dance and girl talk.
Now: we go out and complain because its too loud and we talk about how excited we are that Kroger has online coupons that you can load to your Kroger card now.

I used to clean the house and it would stay that way for days.
Now:  I clean in a circle and I swear that there are mean little fairies that come into every room when I'm not there and trash it.  Wait, thats my kids ;-)

I used to go out to eat at nice restaraunts and sit there for a while after eating to talk to whomever I was with.
Now:  I go where I think there may not be a whole lot of people and where the kids meal comes with crayons!

I used to know exactly where all of my things were.
Now:  I am constantly crawling around on my knees trying to find my things because if they are missing, they are somewhere low to the ground because whoever took it is 3 ft. tall.

I used to play cards and drinking games.
Now:  I play chutes and ladders, guitar hero and modern warfare on the Wii/Xbox/PS3 or whatever it is we have.

I used to be ready to go out at 9:00 every night.
Now:  I'm ready to go to bed at 9:00 at night or I'm excited to sit and read my new magazine!

I used to like to take my time while I shopped.
Now:  I RUN!  I RUN FAST!!!  Just run and grab is what I say!  Run and Grab!!!

I also never thought I would hear myself say:
"When was the last time you pooped?"
"Did you poop your pants?"
"Don't stick your finger in the dogs nose?"
"Don't eat other peoples chewed gum!"
"Get that out of your pants!"
"Don't eat the dog food!"
"Because I said so!"
"Because I'm the boss!"
"Please, please do not play in the toilet!"
"Where are all of your underwear?"
"Don't lick other people!"
"The dog doesn't need detangler!"
"That is poop!  Get that out of your hand!"
And there are so many more!

But....I also never had 3 little people making me laugh because they are silly and giggling, I never had little voices say "I love you mommy", I never worried about anything beyond me and now they are all I worry about, and I NEVER NEVER NEVER would have these great stories to black mail them with someday!!  HA!

Proud Mom, Momma, Mommy

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.

SidVicious!

My husband lovingly nicknamed our youngest daughter, SidVicious~ Being that her name is Sidney and she is the most destructive, tornado of a little girl you have ever seen!!
In fact, only in the course of this day has she thrown eggs onto the floor and swam in them, torn clothes out of her and her sisters dressers and threw them over the balcolny of the staircase.  She has spilled her lunch or better threw it to the dogs, and just a while ago, she was calling for Livi to come find her and when Livi came around the corner she jumped at her, tackled her to the ground and would not let her up!  She also laughed the entire time!  And if  you know my Liv you can only guess that her reaction was to scream at the top of her lungs!  The worst part is, is that I laughed!  I laughed until tears streamed down my face! The only thing I have yet to determine is if it was HaHa kind of laughter or I'm going crazy laughter.  May have been a combination!  So my pretty, sweet little Sidney AKA "SidVicious" has won this round!  But I WILL take the next!  Only because I'm going to be strapping her into her carseat shortly!  But its still an advantage for mom!!!

Victory will be mine! 
Mom, Momma, Mommy~~~

God Help Me!!!

So far today my two year old has eaten a half a stick of butter, pooped on my carpet and walked through the house with it on the bottom of her foot  and to top it off................I had to take her into Chases school today and while we were there I turned around and she was holding her dress over her head and she was wearing NOTHING UNDERNEATH!!!  She took her diaper off in the car and was now flashing a hallway full of elementary students!!  All I could think to do was pick her  up quickly and run out the door!!  I am officially God Blessing Myself!!!  This my friends is EXACTLY why I cannot get a damn thing done!!  And as frustrating as it is, it really is just funny!!  So I say to all of you out there who like to judge that mother whos child is screaming, misbehaving, or flashing you..."You have either forgotten, never been there, or need to just piss off!"  These are my kids and I am proud of them even if they do act like apes most of the time!

Signed by the proud Mom, Momma, and Mommy of 3 Little Apes!

And The Mother of the Year Award goes to............................

This morning before taking Chase to school I asked him if he would please let the dogs outside.  After I asked him to do this chore I had to stop and giggle to myself as a memory popped into my head that revolved around the same daily chore.  Here goes.......
When Chase was almost 6 years old we or I should say "I" decided that he needed to have a dog of his own.  After all, every kid should have a dog in my opinion and by gosh he was going to have one!  So we ended up with Linus, our massive yellow lab that causes trouble all on his own everyday!  Well, thanks to Linus I ended up with one of my all time wonderful mother moments.  It started on the first full week of school, Chase was in 1st grade and I had just had Olivia, she was only a few weeks old.  That morning after he had gotten dressed and eaten breakfast he was to let Linus out to use the bathroom and then bring him back in.  Now he had not wanted much to do with this dog after the first few months.  He was great about feeding him and letting him out at first but then it started trickling off and we had to constantly remind him about his new friend.  So anyway, that morning he had let him out and hadn't brought him back in yet after I asked him repeatedly to do so.  Of course I had let him in and put him in his cage so we could leave but Chase didn't know that.  As we went to leave he asked me where Linus was and I asked him if he had let him in.  He said no.  So I thought that I would use this time as a lesson about responsibility and caring for our pets, yada yada yada.  So I said, "do you think he ran away?"  After I let him stir for only a few minutes, I told him that I had taken care of it.  But then I felt awful because he was almost in tears at the thought of his dog running away from home.  Lovely huh?!?!  So this gets even better, or worse, depends on how you look at it.
After dropping him off, I came home, let the dogs back outside to play and started feeding Liv and doing things around the house.  After 30 minutes or so I let the dogs back inside and a short while later I hear Linus whining.  I go find him and I think he has something in his mouth.  So I go to grab whatever it is and I realize that there is nothing there but that his jowls are completely swollen, his eyes are almost completely closed, he has huge lumps all over his body and the poor dog can barely walk because his "boys" are so huge from whatever is happening!  Not too mention I can tell that his throat was closing because his breathing wasn't right.  I'm telling you that he looked like a cartoon!  I run and call the vet, I throw Liv into the car with this huge swollen dog (who by the way HATES riding in the car in the 1st place) and I am doing 80 on the interstate  to get him to the vet!  Turns out he was stung by a wasp! 
But as I'm driving I realize that only a few hours ago did I put my child into panick thinking his dog was gone and now the damn dog might die in the car from anaphylaxis!!!! 
Needless to say, the dog is fine and still with us but I definitley felt that day that I had hit an all time low in the mothering department!!! 

Mom, Momma, Mommy

Easter

Every Easter the Easter Bunny comes to our house bringing with her (I prefer to think of her as a girl) baskets filled with books, movies, candy, and all sorts of wonderful things to rot my kids teeth and make them scream like banchees from their sugar highs!  Well this year that silly rabbit took a different approach......and left a trampoline in the back yard!
WOW!  This was exciting even for me!  5 years ago we bought one of those blow up bounce houses and I was totally excited to get to jump in this thing as the weight limit was 250 pounds!  Family fun right?!?!  Well apparently its 250 lbs of dispersed weight because when I hopped in, I sank!  So I was very excited about getting on this trampoline and bouncing my day away just like when I was a kid!
Well the kids got up and jumped right on this thing!  They were SO SO excited and everyone was all smiles and giggles.  Then as the "newness" of it wore off, you know within the first hour we had Liv screaming because Chase was bouncing too much, Sidney was crying because once she got up she couldn't get down, Liv came to tell us that a worm bit her foot as she was getting on and then she came in to tell me that Chase had just broken her wrist (he didn't of course), Sidney was screaming now because she couldn't get the buckle to the net latched and then there were tears because she and Liv had just bumped heads and then........Chase comes in and insists that he has sprained his back and for the rest of the day sported a Bengay patch under his shirt and smelling like an old man!
Thanks Easter Bunny!!! 
With love,
Mom, Momma, Mommy!!! 

My girls

This morning I get up and get the girls fed and dressed, Chase is still asleep of course since there is no school.  As I am getting myself ready they are playing in my bathroom, you know, because God forbid they are a foot away from me!  But they are being good.  In fact Sidney has found her tinkerbell hairbrush and is standing behind Livi brushing her hair.  While she is beautifying Liv she keeps saying, "brush Wivs hair" and she keeps talking to Livi in what only sounds to me like she is asking her questions but I can't make out any of it.  But Liv can!  They are having their own little conversation and have floated off into their own little world.  This is great!!!!
Then they move into my bedroom where they are still conversing in their own little way and I hear Liv talking to Sidney and she is using words like "baby, sweety, honey" to her little sister.  I am finding this so sweet that I almost tear up!  Then.........
I hear "Hey, give me that, its mine!!!"  Then I hear the slap, the cry, and now the screaming!  Sidney has found a plastic horse and Liv is not about to let her keep it!  So the brawl is on...they are both screaminng and crying and not one of them is about to let this thing go and not either of them has the upper hand on the other.  They are in a dead lock struggle and now they are on the floor!!  So I had to watch just for a second to see how this was going to unfold.  I tell you what...they struggled over this thing for a couple of minutes, not one letting go and in the end...  No one wanted the damn thing anyway!  They just gave up, must have decided it wasn't worth it, you know with the 30 other plastic horses around the house to struggle any longer would just be a waste of time apparently! 
So I this is the thought that I am left with....."if this is how it is at 2 and 3, what is it going to be like at 12 and 13???"  So, I guess I'll just buy a couple of those inflatable boxing gloves and let them have at it!  What do you think!?!

Mom, Momma, Mommy

Men.....when will they learn?

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you absolutely cannot get anything done?  I'm having one of  those this week, actually I have a week like that about 3 weeks out of a month but this has been one of those particularly crazy weeks where things that don't normally come up are coming up.  Anywho~

So last night my husband gets home and I had only been home maybe 2 hours all day, I'm cooking dinner, feeding the dogs, and loading the dishwasher and washing machine.  And on top of all of that my house looks like a tornado hit (3 to be exact), I was out of dishwasher soap so I had dishes piled from the night before (I'm sorry, but I was just NOT going to do them by hand, worst job ever!) and the laundry is piled high in the laundry room floor and every other bedroom floor in the house.  I also have dog hair and remanents of the girls afternoon snack strewn across my carpet because they decided to transfer the popcorn into an old Easter basket, which would have been fine but this particular basket was not made to hold popcorn!!

So my husband goes and sits down at the computer after dinner trying to find the perfect classic old truck while I clean up.  Now, this is a great man and a hard working man so this doesn't bother me, in fact I am more than happy to take care of things (although I'm sure others could do it better) and even happier to see him relaxing after a long day.  But then.......he turns to me and says..."Hey, how is the dishwasher holding up?  Is there something wrong with it?  To which I say, "No works great!"  Then I get it, there are dishes piled up and he is making fun of me now!  By the way he's not being mean just ornery!  So I flash him a look and a little laugh and go about my business.

Then, I'm laying in bed and he says...."The washer working alright?  How about the vaccuum?"  Still he's kidding and I'm laughing but the question I pose to you is........
"How long does it take them to learn that we ladies really do hold the power!?!?!"  I mean really!?!?!  So go ahead boys, poke all the fun you like, we know where you sleep and where your weakness lies!!!

With love to my most amazing husband! 
Mom, Momma, Mommy