Who'd have thought that we are the way we are!!??!

This weekend marked the start of the league baseball tournament.  I have to say that my kid, and I know that he's mine, but.........he really had an excellent season.  He pitched really well, blasted the ball and had some awesome outfield plays!  So so proud am I and I cannot wait for next spring to do it all over again and watch him grow even more but we have to get through one week of nothing to do and then we begin the GRUELLING football season!!!  Which by the way I CANNOT wait for either!!!  The "Boys of Fall" song by Kenny Chesney really rings true to these boys.  What I did find out during this season is that I have become one of those parents that I swore that I would never be.  You all know the ones that I am talking about, we hoop, we holler and yes, oh yes, we get mad. Especially mad when the adults from the other teams are far worse than the kids and end up making our kids nervous wrecks.  I found out finally today, during what became the last few games of our tournament that I really am the parent that is better off taking a seat high up on the bleachers away from everyone else so that I can bitch to myself without anyone hearing and also so that I can keep myself from making my own child a nervous wreck.  Yes, I know that many of you who read this will be thinking to yourselves....."Sara, get mad?  Sara yell?  Sara freak out?  HAHAHA!!!  Oh little do you all know that secretely I am a very competitive person and I am far more competitive if its my kid out there that you all are trying to distract. Although I have also learned that I am probably far more distracting for my sweet boy than anyone else.  He is so awesome at most things he does that I have trouble remembering that he is 9!  I fully admit this!  Not trying to candy coat on my behalf at all.  He knows how I am because he is actually tons like me. ( We won't tell him I said that though!)  Gets upset when not doing his best and blames himself for mistakes that aren't even his.  This....is me to a tee!  BUT......what cracked me up the most is that he hopped in the car and on the way home after being out in the heat and playing back to back games for a total of 5 hours he says......."well mom......that sucked!"  But......there's always next year and by the way can we stop at DQ cuz grandpa gave me twenty bucks for doing so well this seaon!"  Talk about priorities!  Not to mention some good ol' fashioned spirit!  Then 5 minutes later, his sister, who I think is asleep in the back rips a HUGE fart....no reaction.....then I hear her start to giggle and the baby sister who I also think is asleep says."EW  GROSS....Livi tooted!  Then it happens again and they are back there just laughing these big belly laughs and Chase is practically falling over in his seat!  All is good in the world people, win or lose as long as you have an excellent point of view and a damn good sense of humor!  And.....according to my children and my awesome uncle.....there is nothing funnier and nothing that can make you forget your woes like like letting one rip!!!!
Good Lord!  Happy Weekend to Everyone!
Mom, Momma, Mommy

My Shout out to All Retailers

I would like to give a shout out to all of the retailers who strategically place crap toys, candy machines, or some sort of ride on money sucker around your stores and throughout the checkout lanes!  I would like to applaud you for my childs breakdown when they are told NO they may not have a $20 plastic pig, some sort of bracelet thingy, or other unknown break the bank item that is going to fall apart or be forgotten after its been played with in the car on the way home!  BRAVO!!!  You got us!  Or so you think!
I am not one of those parents who gives in to avoid the fit so when I come through your checkout lanes with a child who is convulsing and screaming because they can't have what you are trying to sell and you look at me like I'm a bad parent because they are behaving that way I am going to set that child on your checkout station and I am going to let them sit there and scream until you pay me!!  That's right!  You should owe me and every other parent/care giver something, I don't even care if you give me a damn coupon!  I understand needing or wanting to make a buck but com'on!  You should all be slapped for your own stupidity!
Watch out Old Navy, Kohls, Kmart, TJ Maxx and every other store I frequent........
Mom, Momma, Mommy is coming your way!!!!!

Thats GREAT!!!

My 9.5 year old son had a sleep over this past weekend at his friends house.  I decide to call the mother and check in that evening and when she answers she is laughing hysterically and tells me this:  "So the boys were all sitting around the table snacking and talking when I hear Chase say, "If I get a girl pregnant when I'm 15 my mom is going to cut off my penis!!"  I didn't know what to say to this!  First of all, because I never actually told him that, what I told him was one evening when we were watching a movie and the mother said to the son, "If you get a girl pregnant out of wedlock I will drive up here and cut your thingy off!"  So I simply told Chase to remember that!  He obviously took it to heart!  Second of all, what in the world brought this up in the first place!?!?!?!  And third, OMG!  What people must think we talk about!!!!!  And once again, the phrase, "watch what you say around a child" rings true!  Its right up there with the time he was in kindergarten and the firemen came to talk to them and they were explaining what you should do when the smoke alarms sound.  Chase raised his hand and said "well, when my moms cooking and the smoke alarm goes off she tells us to get a towl and wave it at it til' it stops!" 
AND THE MOTHER OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO.............FOR THE 100TH TIME SINCE THEIR BIRTH...............Mom, Momma, MomEEEEEE!

I Used To:

I used to be able to go into the bathroom all by myself to take a bath, brush my teeth, or use the restroom.
Now:  I go the bathroom with an Enterauge with me every time I go in. 

I used to make sure I didn't have a hair out of place and my clothes were just right before I went anywhere.
Now:  You are lucky if you see me with make up on and my hair washed.  Because someone is going to use me as a napkin at some point during the day.

I used to go out with my girl friends and dance and girl talk.
Now: we go out and complain because its too loud and we talk about how excited we are that Kroger has online coupons that you can load to your Kroger card now.

I used to clean the house and it would stay that way for days.
Now:  I clean in a circle and I swear that there are mean little fairies that come into every room when I'm not there and trash it.  Wait, thats my kids ;-)

I used to go out to eat at nice restaraunts and sit there for a while after eating to talk to whomever I was with.
Now:  I go where I think there may not be a whole lot of people and where the kids meal comes with crayons!

I used to know exactly where all of my things were.
Now:  I am constantly crawling around on my knees trying to find my things because if they are missing, they are somewhere low to the ground because whoever took it is 3 ft. tall.

I used to play cards and drinking games.
Now:  I play chutes and ladders, guitar hero and modern warfare on the Wii/Xbox/PS3 or whatever it is we have.

I used to be ready to go out at 9:00 every night.
Now:  I'm ready to go to bed at 9:00 at night or I'm excited to sit and read my new magazine!

I used to like to take my time while I shopped.
Now:  I RUN!  I RUN FAST!!!  Just run and grab is what I say!  Run and Grab!!!

I also never thought I would hear myself say:
"When was the last time you pooped?"
"Did you poop your pants?"
"Don't stick your finger in the dogs nose?"
"Don't eat other peoples chewed gum!"
"Get that out of your pants!"
"Don't eat the dog food!"
"Because I said so!"
"Because I'm the boss!"
"Please, please do not play in the toilet!"
"Where are all of your underwear?"
"Don't lick other people!"
"The dog doesn't need detangler!"
"That is poop!  Get that out of your hand!"
And there are so many more!

But....I also never had 3 little people making me laugh because they are silly and giggling, I never had little voices say "I love you mommy", I never worried about anything beyond me and now they are all I worry about, and I NEVER NEVER NEVER would have these great stories to black mail them with someday!!  HA!

Proud Mom, Momma, Mommy

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.

SidVicious!

My husband lovingly nicknamed our youngest daughter, SidVicious~ Being that her name is Sidney and she is the most destructive, tornado of a little girl you have ever seen!!
In fact, only in the course of this day has she thrown eggs onto the floor and swam in them, torn clothes out of her and her sisters dressers and threw them over the balcolny of the staircase.  She has spilled her lunch or better threw it to the dogs, and just a while ago, she was calling for Livi to come find her and when Livi came around the corner she jumped at her, tackled her to the ground and would not let her up!  She also laughed the entire time!  And if  you know my Liv you can only guess that her reaction was to scream at the top of her lungs!  The worst part is, is that I laughed!  I laughed until tears streamed down my face! The only thing I have yet to determine is if it was HaHa kind of laughter or I'm going crazy laughter.  May have been a combination!  So my pretty, sweet little Sidney AKA "SidVicious" has won this round!  But I WILL take the next!  Only because I'm going to be strapping her into her carseat shortly!  But its still an advantage for mom!!!

Victory will be mine! 
Mom, Momma, Mommy~~~

God Help Me!!!

So far today my two year old has eaten a half a stick of butter, pooped on my carpet and walked through the house with it on the bottom of her foot  and to top it off................I had to take her into Chases school today and while we were there I turned around and she was holding her dress over her head and she was wearing NOTHING UNDERNEATH!!!  She took her diaper off in the car and was now flashing a hallway full of elementary students!!  All I could think to do was pick her  up quickly and run out the door!!  I am officially God Blessing Myself!!!  This my friends is EXACTLY why I cannot get a damn thing done!!  And as frustrating as it is, it really is just funny!!  So I say to all of you out there who like to judge that mother whos child is screaming, misbehaving, or flashing you..."You have either forgotten, never been there, or need to just piss off!"  These are my kids and I am proud of them even if they do act like apes most of the time!

Signed by the proud Mom, Momma, and Mommy of 3 Little Apes!

And The Mother of the Year Award goes to............................

This morning before taking Chase to school I asked him if he would please let the dogs outside.  After I asked him to do this chore I had to stop and giggle to myself as a memory popped into my head that revolved around the same daily chore.  Here goes.......
When Chase was almost 6 years old we or I should say "I" decided that he needed to have a dog of his own.  After all, every kid should have a dog in my opinion and by gosh he was going to have one!  So we ended up with Linus, our massive yellow lab that causes trouble all on his own everyday!  Well, thanks to Linus I ended up with one of my all time wonderful mother moments.  It started on the first full week of school, Chase was in 1st grade and I had just had Olivia, she was only a few weeks old.  That morning after he had gotten dressed and eaten breakfast he was to let Linus out to use the bathroom and then bring him back in.  Now he had not wanted much to do with this dog after the first few months.  He was great about feeding him and letting him out at first but then it started trickling off and we had to constantly remind him about his new friend.  So anyway, that morning he had let him out and hadn't brought him back in yet after I asked him repeatedly to do so.  Of course I had let him in and put him in his cage so we could leave but Chase didn't know that.  As we went to leave he asked me where Linus was and I asked him if he had let him in.  He said no.  So I thought that I would use this time as a lesson about responsibility and caring for our pets, yada yada yada.  So I said, "do you think he ran away?"  After I let him stir for only a few minutes, I told him that I had taken care of it.  But then I felt awful because he was almost in tears at the thought of his dog running away from home.  Lovely huh?!?!  So this gets even better, or worse, depends on how you look at it.
After dropping him off, I came home, let the dogs back outside to play and started feeding Liv and doing things around the house.  After 30 minutes or so I let the dogs back inside and a short while later I hear Linus whining.  I go find him and I think he has something in his mouth.  So I go to grab whatever it is and I realize that there is nothing there but that his jowls are completely swollen, his eyes are almost completely closed, he has huge lumps all over his body and the poor dog can barely walk because his "boys" are so huge from whatever is happening!  Not too mention I can tell that his throat was closing because his breathing wasn't right.  I'm telling you that he looked like a cartoon!  I run and call the vet, I throw Liv into the car with this huge swollen dog (who by the way HATES riding in the car in the 1st place) and I am doing 80 on the interstate  to get him to the vet!  Turns out he was stung by a wasp! 
But as I'm driving I realize that only a few hours ago did I put my child into panick thinking his dog was gone and now the damn dog might die in the car from anaphylaxis!!!! 
Needless to say, the dog is fine and still with us but I definitley felt that day that I had hit an all time low in the mothering department!!! 

Mom, Momma, Mommy